Letting go...

As I stand on the embankment, my hands raised above my head, the blue water below me glistening in the warm sunshine, time slows down. Breaths of wind lumber past my fingertips, brushing over my wet body, creating a hint of shiver. My mouth slightly parts as I breathe in air. I close my eyes. I feel my body and the control I have over it. My muscles become tense, my lungs fill with air, my brain runs on overdose, preparing my limbs, my chest, my mouth, my lungs...and I revel at the control I have over it. My heart beats with anticipation, fear, thrill... A hurricane is raging around me and I am standing at the eye of the storm, in the region of peace.

I begin to fall in slow motion. I am in a state of weightlessness—easing my way into acceptance, moving along an irrevocable way. The wind lingers on my face. All other thoughts are wiped out of my mind and the only thing that remains is this moment and the destiny ahead. There is no control, no defining rule, no will power. There is only a trajectory to follow. All that is left is the wait and the preparation for embracing the inevitability.

And at such a moment, these thoughts do cross my mind—what did I leave behind? What did I lose? The solid ground, the air that brings life, the warmth of the sun, the voices of people. I realize now that they were all illusions, a fault of perception. There is only the great void and me to fill it up.

My hands break the surface as my body plunges into water. A cold feeling engulfs me; I choke and splutter. My hands fight for control, my lungs fight for oxygen, my legs fight to find ground. I am dying, water threatening to pour into my lungs. I fight for control that shall never be mine, I fight for air that shall never be breathed, I fight for land that shall never be touched. My vision is blurred and all noise has been silenced. I feel fear as I struggle to find balance.

And then the answer finds me—I realize that there is no balance to be found for there is nothing unbalanced. There is only a moment of stillness in which I can live forever. I stop fighting for breath, I stop fighting for light, I stop fighting for land and most importantly I stop fighting for control. I let go of everything that I clung to. And in that moment of freedom, I curl my legs up, wrap my arms around them and hold them close to my chest.

I am floating in emptiness—a strange singular object dissolving into space. I am calm, I feel no fear, I am at peace. I find acceptance—true acceptance—in me. I look up. The light of the sun is splattered on the surface, shifting and changing shape—just as we are—mirrored in transformation.