There is no pain

[I wrote this piece a while ago, a year ago actually. I accidentally found it while browsing through old files. So here's to my blog reader...]

There is no emotion, there is peace.


Pain is what we fear. But more than pain, it is the fear of pain that we fear. I was having trouble with Vajrasana today. That was not unusual. I have to fight through it every day. I had given in to the belief that I was not built for that. My legs are too ill positioned for any kind of asana. Every joint in my legs was aching after two rounds of Vajrasana. Like every day, I was thinking of skipping the last round (I had actually gone through the last round last time; still, one time hardly counts). But today was different. Today, I was beginning to understand the meaning of meditation. I believe that meditation is a journey in the sea of turmoil for the answer, the truth... And today, I was meditating on the singular thought—‘There is no emotion, there is peace’.


And I thought—


The human civilization is the epicentre of an emotional storm. Conflict—inside and outside the soul. There is no end to the sufferings of mankind. The free-bird suffers because her feet are tied with a chain. She is passionate and regrets being so, for she always feels let down by the world which doesn’t function as she would have it. She feels rage against those who oppose her. She is angry, frustrated by the cage-life which lacks meaning and purpose. She wants to fly away—to be free but she doesn’t have the key. Only a few of us have it. And it reflects the wisdom of centuries.


I have often wondered what it would feel like to map the emotional state of the entire world. Brilliant flashes of colours everywhere—some bright, some dimmed, some ominously flashing whilst some peacefully resting. Countless thoughts and emotions flow through our minds every day, every moment. And at the end of it, if there’s any, we are left to wonder—where does it end, where does all this lead to? And if we are lucky, we ask ourselves, to the open air, the universe—shall I ever find peace?


The world has plunged itself into negativity and the only thing that can change the world is changing ourselves. A thousand people rush to places, every day, walking briskly, almost running. The key is to slow down. As I walk slowly in the middle of a pacing crowd I find that I have more time to think about where I am going and if I really want to go there. Most of us just do things, never actually thinking about why we are doing it. When asked, we only find ourselves spluttering that we are doing so because someone, presumably wiser, has told us that that is the only way to succeed. Speaking of which, it is important to reflect on the word—success; but more on that later. How often have we decided for ourselves that what we are doing is the right thing to do, even if it turns out to be wrong? More importantly, how often have we thought—what shall we achieve at the end of it? Money, fame...is that what we really want?


I was in pain. But more than that I was afraid of the pain I would experience if I tried Vajrasana once again. Truly, fear is the biggest illness. We are always afraid of something or the other—the boss, examinations, failure, losing what we hold dear...Where is the source of this fear, I wonder. Maybe it is in fear itself—the fear of losing something. Fear is an emotion that feeds on itself, until there’s nothing left but an empty body and a soul lost in chaos.


Here I would like to quote master Yoda—‘Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.’ But then the question arises, how can a person train himself, or herself, to overcome the fear of fear? Maybe the answer lies in meditation, through yoga, submitting oneself to the will of the universe and accept the flow of destiny. I am not wise enough to answer such question. I am only ignorant enough to raise them. Maybe my questions will be answered one day. Maybe someday I will find true peace and not merely the glimpse of it.


Universe, you are the living force. You are the cosmos, the network of energy, the laws of physics, the intricacy of logic, the divinity of mathematics, the philosophy of the Upanishads, the wisdom of the Vedas, the gods of mythologies, the One, the Force, the Allah, the Brahma...you are the Brahmin, the beginning and the end, the need and the means, the necessity and invention, the life and death...you are everything and you are nothing—you are the solid earth and you are the never ending space, the eons and the nebula...you are time and space, the never ending flow of energy...through life and death, from master to pupil, from plants to animals...


And when I realize this to be the truth, I also realize that I am not without you and you are not without me. Without me, you are incomplete and without you, I do not exist.